baby watch 2008

Well, I'm doing this update on both blogs, since there are so many people to cover...

As of right now...no baby. I had dilated to 3cm, and my doctor and I were thinking it would be any day now. That sent me into a nesting fury and Matt and I spent the entire weekend rearranging furniture, doing all of our last minute shopping, sanitizing every surface of the house and pigging out when we were done. I've been shoving down the spicy food with wild abandon, trying to make her come out of her hidey-hole. I went to an awesome Rock Band party, in hopes the noise and activity would draw her out. I figured if nothing else, some nice conversation would be enticing. Plus, I'm having to say "goodbye" to everyone for a while.

So, now I'm at the worst spot. Everything is done, and I'm just waiting. I voted. I got all caught up at work. I'm just sitting here now, waiting for the slightest twinge or cramp in my belly. It's maddening.

I went to my cousin's aunt's house (that sounds weird...) and was playing with her new babies. She had twin boys a few months back. Now, what I loved, besides their supreme cuteness, was the fact that both of them, combined, at birth weighed as much as my baby did a week ago. Two months later, they've hit 9lbs each, so I was holding a baby last night, that was the size of the one in me. Pretty awesome experience.

Then, in the midst of conversation, I said a beautiful sentence. "I alaways love to feed my family that way..." We had been talking about sitting down to dinner, and this seemingly innocuous statement fell out of my mouth. I realized, that the word family had taken on a different meaning to me. No longer was it my mom and sisters and dad and cousins. My family is under my room now. The man who feeds me and gets me ice water and fetches every little thing my immobile ass desires. The daughter at the party in my tummy, waiting to come out and take over the house. The other daughter, in El Paso, sitting on pins and needles, going crazy with anticipation, waiting for her little sister to make her big debut. Suddenly, so much seems so trivial and small.

I made a lot of mistakes in my life, searching for something that I thought I could easily create. I thought if I was funny and charming, and laughed the most, and had cool friends, and listened to the newest bands, I'd fill the huge gap I had in me. And while those things are important, and they're me, and I love that that is what makes up me, I didn't realize the happiness to be found in creating your own family.

Ok, sap time is over. The news is this...I go to the doctor on Thursday to see where I'm at. If I haven't had this child on my own, she's going to induce me on the 14th. So, at this point, we're locked in a standoff of Branch Davidian proportions, except hopefully the ATF won't burn my vagina down. I will of course, keep you guys all posted on the status.

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